


I Am Not There, I Do Not Sleep

by TT_Angst_Queen



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Dark, Everything Hurts, Hurt No Comfort, Hurts So Good, M/M, Oh My God, So damn Dark, Sorry Not Sorry, Tissue Warning, Wrote my own prompt, holy shit so much angst, maybe a little bit, sad bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 07:32:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14890253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TT_Angst_Queen/pseuds/TT_Angst_Queen
Summary: "You're not my Stevie," Bucky gasped around the hand squeezing his throat.





	I Am Not There, I Do Not Sleep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Flight_Of_Icarus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flight_Of_Icarus/gifts), [MassiveSpaceWren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MassiveSpaceWren/gifts), [Delphyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delphyn/gifts).



> Some wording changes from the summery since I did this on a 900-word relay. 
> 
> Wrote this in thirty minutes and the amazing @Delphyn: (https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delphyn) Beta'd it for me, JC it would have looked like crap W/O you thank you so damn much-

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You’re not my Stevie,” Bucky gasped, the tight hold on his throat constricting his breathing and making his voice rough and gravely. The battlefield around them was silent except for the moans of the dying and the fatally wounded. Bucky shivered at the insane glint in the eyes of his choker and tried to look for any hint of humanity in the once warm blue eyes of his lover. 

 

The blond chuckled and squeezed harder before loosening his grip again, making bucky lose his breath, or at least what breath he had left. 

 

“Aw, Buck,” the monster wearing the face of his best friend cooed, “your Stevie died the minute they shoved him into that machine, sweetheart,” the Captain took a deep breath through his nose as he ran it along Bucky's cheekbone, making him shiver in anything but pleasure. The man above him looked like his Stevie, even somewhat sounded like him, but there was no warmth in the eyes or in the voice, where once it was all Bucky could see in his Stevie’s face. 

 

“G-go t-to he-ell,” Bucky choked out, and the Captain smirked. 

 

“You know, he loved you, right?” The monster laughed. “He joined project rebirth for you, to protect you,” the Captain laughed, “How pathetic, sentimental. Weak.”  

 

Bucky couldn’t help but wish that the demon wearing his best friend would just end this, but the man just continued to talk, to choke Bucky just enough that he wouldn’t pass out. 

 

“He wanted to protect you, stand by your side,” The blue eyes looked like ice as they looked into Bucky’s watery grey ones, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to die or to just stick with whatever piece of Stevie was left, even if it was just his body and not his soul. 

 

“And you, you told him you enlisted,” The Captain laughed, and it echoed around the silent battlefield, any of the dying long since dead. 

 

Killed by the monster wearing his lovers face. 

 

“But he knew you lied.” 

 

What.

 

“W-what?”

 

“Oh yes..” the thing purred, licking its lips. “He saw the letter in the trash ya know, and he was sooo mad, at everyone, for putting his lover in danger. For drafting his only piece of home into a war that would kill him…”

 

“St-stop-”

 

“So he did everything he could to join up, five different tries…” the Captain’s eyes lingered on the agony in Bucky’s eyes, looking satisfied at his pain. 

 

“And then he found the right doc to help, and he got enlisted.”

 

“N-no-”

 

“And they told him he would be the face of America, and it was delicious, waiting for the right moment to strike, even if the tights were a bit much… but oh so worth it, since it got me here….” 

 

“Plea-please, sto-top”

 

“And then ‘Stevie’ saved you, poor  _ wittle _ Bucky,” it hummed. “All tied up, poked with needles…”

 

“Ya know, his last thoughts…”

 

No. Bucky did not want to hear this. He did not want to hear about his lover’s last thoughts. He did not want to be here at all. He wanted to be back in Brooklyn in their crappy little apartment, listening to records and dancing with the curtains closed, Stevie’s head on his shoulder while Bucky sang along to whatever song was playing, twirling the little blond around with a smile on his face, and a skip in his heart.  

 

He wanted to be sitting in front of an ice cream parlor while Stevie hummed and hawed over vanilla or chocolate, even though they both knew that he would be choosing vanilla. Stevie had always done that, just to piss Bucky off, because he knew that bucky would pay him back for it later when they were alone. 

 

He wanted to be reading on a cold winter's day, curled up with Stevie on the bed under their thickest blanket, conserving warmth while they read Asimov for the hundredth time, Stevie curled into his side with his arms wrapped around Bucky's waist. 

 

Bucky wanted to be with his family and Stevie, watching the blond play with his little sisters and watching his Ma cook on the stove while his Dad read the paper, shooting them all a warm smile whenever he turned the page.

 

He wanted Stevie to tell him he loved Bucky one more time, his warm blue eyes like pools of ocean water, his smile brighter than the sun, lighting up Bucky’s world like a beacon of hope in a world on the brink of war, causing his heart to flutter and his stomach to flip. 

 

He wanted to make love to the blond and have him writhe and moan beneath him, to watch every single twitch and gasp fall from his lips, and stroke along that pale Irish skin that never seemed to tan, but would burn in no time at all. He wanted to kiss those soft pink lips and pour every bit of love he could into the act, and make sure the secretly insecure blond knew he was SO loved. 

 

“His last thoughts…”

God please no, don’t do this. 

 

“..were about you ya’ know,” The monster chuckled darkly, and Bucky felt the tears he had held back fall from his eyes and wet his face. 

 

“About how he never got to tell you goodbye, and that he loved you…”

 

“Oh,” the monster cooed. “He died  _ screaming _ .” 

  
Bucky’s last thought before he felt the hand tighten on his throat and felt the monster twist his neck around with a  _ snap _ was that he wished he could have done the same.

 

* * *

 

 


End file.
